Overture
Not my first love,but my last great heart throbwith the little orchestra playingfrom the mezzanine. JA DA.You in black tie, I tremble as you come close, I offer myself in this red strapless gownjust...
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Bernie,Overture- an introduction of what is to come in a musical piece, an appropriate title.Not my first love,but my last great heart throband with the little orchestra playingI wondered about little...
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Dale---i like your suggestions very much. new lines for what this lady Renoir observes. i like that she is not in her first, romeo and juliet movie.i like that she is awake, even when he is...
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great setting of scenes, and an overall story which is incomplete in a very good way, lol. my blips and bumps, for your consideration, after the 7th edit: "I tremble at your nearness" "half-close" --...
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Nice piece. Lots of BH atmosphere. I wonder about tightening the last S a bit: I pull on my black stockings. Before slipping away, write a note. Leave it in your shoe. Might be too curt for the N and...
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Hi Bernie As usual you paint an alluring scene with interesting characters and tension. I think the orchestra should be playing a certain song or melody to fully put us in the picture.I wonder, would...
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EBobChrisand Terry---excuse my imprecision. house in sorrow and emotional turmoil. imminent death of a my daughter's mother, 49 years of history. two of her three former husbands at bedside...
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Hi Bernie Sorry to hear of the family turmoil. Hang in there, my friend. Chris
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You write such beautiful love poems. I love the line ' I fold against the lapels of his jacket.' But there are so many great lines, 'the glimmering lights/turn my head.', the Renoir image, etc. The...
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Sorry to read of your imminent loss. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.
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I like this very much as it is, although the proximity of champagne in the two lines could be a spoiler. Maybe you could sustitute with anothe rname for champers or vinyard or vintage, just a thought....
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